Forum Gold

The following article has been emailed to me by the 'Forum Historian'. Now, I've no idea who this is, although I suspect it may be Fooq. If you know who has been compiling the best bits of the forum, let me know. Anyway, here it is:

The best bits of the forums I’ve been able to save from the back end of Season 5 to the end of Season 6...
Posted by FooQ. A classic.

Best Mod: Grezz, keeps the game cheat free. Yes that’s right, Valadorn with his sale of a 34 year old 40 rated player for 1.92m is NOT a cheat. I repeat NOT a cheat. My lawyers insisted I type that twice.

Most Helpful Poster: ryanz, always ready to answer an annoying newbie question with a well typed out response. Possibly way too helpful sometimes but is that a crime?!? Oh it is? Oh. Doh, my bad.

Friendliest Poster: Haziebob, even on those awkward days of the month she refuses to give in to her urges to shout at everyone and send us all on huge guilt trips befor banning us all for months. I respect her for that.

Mysterious Poster: Lovemaster, the master of love keeps on revealing his mysterious past, including the revelation this week that he used to be a popular mid sized motor vehicle.

Spam Monkey Award: Lucifer, he can even spam other peoples spam threads he’s that good.

New/Upcoming Poster: saintgodric, I don’t know much about him cept he’s funny and he’s new, hence the vote as 'New poster'. Jeez.

Funniest Poster: Kev4Real, he’s funny. Hence the vote for 'Funniest poster'. Picking up a theme here?

Best Blogger: I haven’t read anyone’s blogs cos I’m obviously way too busy conceiving and raising a family, teaching them how to ride bikes and putting them through college n stuff. In fact, this whole post had to be typed inbetween family moments and took well over a month. Apparently, saintgoldric has a blog so I’ll vote for him.

FooQ’s “I pity the fool who posts like that” Award For Most Annoying Poster: eddy1blah3yaddayadda53. As Mr T often says 'So many foos, so little time to pity them' but he always finds time to pity eddy.

Most In Need OF IAG Rehab: TopGun2. TopGun, if you don’t tone down your IAG addiction you’ll never find time to conceive and raise a family, teach your kids how to ride a bike, put them through college n stuff. Spreadsheets don’t love you back, and spreadsheets don’t make you laugh when they fall off their bikes. Remember that.

Best Drunken Poster: Riggs. Not many people know but Riggs was actually Britney Spears. She’s a huge 'soccer' fan but she had to quit IAG to go into rehab for the 5th time. All the pressure of trying to revive an already crappy career with little talent, splitting up with K-Fed and fighting for her kids meant she had to quit IAG 'to concentrate on her work and family'. Sounds familiar huh? I saw right through that alias Britney. Better luck next time.

King Numpty Award: Leon_Hamilton, for consistently asking questions that are answered in the help section and FAQ. Not only that but he posts them in the wrong forum 99% of the time. He beats out eddy as eddy is usually doing it on purpose and at least has the excuse that he can barely type or read plain english. Often eddy can’t help but seem like an eejit as another member of his family is using the family brain cell that evening.

Smashie & Nicey’s Smileytasic Award: Dunno, it’s a silly award anyways.

Wurst Speeling Aword: I would like to vote for eddy but I won’t, cos if he wins he’ll spell badly on purpose.

Best Team Name: Inter Milager, pleasantsurprise’s team of drunkards spawned many copycats but his is the original.

Posted by ryanz – what does he mean?

The I was the are ranked the 4th or 5th best side in the division and I smiled some more :)

Posted by Enzo – a culinary comparison

I’d say Scotland have more chance.
Only by like the slightest nob of butter.

Posted by Kev – he puts the boot into American Football

Why the hell is your so-called 'football' called such, when the ball is only kicked about 3 times a match? Has that never seemed a little odd to you? Imagine you ordered a pizza, and were given soup instead, would you not think 'this isn’t right, that ain’t what its supposed to be'. Think about it.

Posted by Phil – I’m sure he’s making a valid point…

Actually I know you won’t be sacked. It’s just a minor insignifficant display bug. It isn’t liked tou your actual contarct as is cosmetic.....so I’m told.

Posted by Lovemaster – trouble with the opposite sex

Quote:
Originally posted by TopGun2
Hang on a minute, you had some girl who wanted to do your housework for you and you got rid of her because of it? Are you mental?

Some defining moments.......
Q. Do you have to put your feet on the table?
A. No, but if I wish to do so in my own house I will.
Q. Are those curtains not old fashioned?
A. I like old fashioned curtains.
Q. Where do you keep your dusters? (11.30 at night.)
A. I don’t have any.
Q. I hate these documentaries and stuff, why do you watch them?
A. I like them if you don’t there is another tv upstairs.
Q. It’s like a fridge in here why do you sit in the cold?
A. I’m not cold, if you are? put the heating on you know where the thermostat is.
Q. Why do you never answer your mobile? That ringing really get’s on my nerves.
A. I have my reasons.
Q. I think you have a drink problem, have you?
A. when it comes to drink, It’s no problem.
Q. Why do you keep a broken watch upstairs?
A. It only needs a battery where else should I keep it? (£675’s worth).
Blah, blah, blah.........I detest rabbiters.

Posted by rossrich – some sound advice followed by too vivid a detail?

Before you bin her Phil, why not experiment a little Ask her if she fancies bringing her mate along for a threesome (and i’m not talking about john from the chippy). If she’s up for it, cool. If she’s not then she bins you, feels better herself and you dont end up with a bunny boiler wanting to put love bites in your poo.

Posted by josemourinho – offering his programming skills….

If my coding skills are required just shout. aahhem.
C:pro club 'Barcelona fc' AS 'BEST CLUB ON IAG'

LIKE Barcelona fc BANK BALANCE AS '£150 Million'.

LIKE 'Barcelona fc' Player Rating as '100'.

You get the picture i’m sure.

Theres more where that came from. Only took me 15 minutes to write that as well. I await the phone call bosses.

Posted by Guermano – letting off a bit steam with his trademark PS’s

Stop discussing because here’s the best of the best:

1. Pirates of the Caribbean
2. Aliens
3. .......uhm......... Monsters Inc. and Finding Nemo

Don’t care about the No. 3!

PS: Grezzy, eat some Gouda to stop you from saying anything!
PPS: AKitty, shut it!
PPPS: chaos, buy the Pepsi for Hristo and forget this post of mine!
PPPPS: Hristo, drink chaos' Pepsi and forget this post of mine!
PPPPPS: Webby, your Mac messed up this post of mine!
PPPPPPS: TG, have I ever expressed my true feelings about accountants?
PPPPPPPS: phil, don’t dare to ruin our long friendship!
PPPPPPPPS: pleasant, you’re a wizard when it comes to wording your thoughts, but not now!
PPPPPPPPPS: Luci_Lu, No!
PPPPPPPPPPS: Ian, Nope!

A series of posts from the ‘Confessions’ thread by FooQ – Pure Genius

1.

Quote:
Originally posted by niihty
On a recent jolly boys to Ireland, we had a “quickest dump” competition. The idea was you stand outside the bathroom fully clothed. Then dash into the toilet “lay a cable” wipe your arse and appear back outside the bathroom, pants belted back up. Obviously you don’t flush, so other competitors can check the evidence. The winner “dropped his back” and appeared back outside the bathroom, fully clothed, in 9 seconds flat.

Quite an achievement.

I suspect your friend pooped earlier into a jiffy bag, concealed it on his person and simply ran into the stall, closed the door, dropped the previously prepared poop and some toilet paper into the toilet and then re-emerged with his record time. It’s disgraceful really, how low can you get cheating in a pooping race?

2. Ok, for those wishing to crack down on any possible future cheating in 'Poop Racing' we here at the 'Committee of Racing And Pooping' (C.R.A.P. for short) have come up with the following measures to ensure a good 'clean' pooping race.

(1) Roughly 12 hours before the competition, all the competitors must eat a Gogurt © brand yoghurt randomly selected for them by an unbiased 'Turd Referee'. The Goghurt © flavours used should be Cherry, Blueberry and any Shrek © flavour. The yoghurts will of course have the effect of colouring the excrement at race time. The competitors are recommended to not vacate their bowels until the race time at risk of disqualification due to uncoloured doodoo.

(number 2) There remains however the possibility that a 'Poop Racing' contestant could cheat by previously storing a dookie of each of the three official 'race colours' to conceal on his person at race time. So much like a boxing match a weigh in will be conducted pre and post race. A simple formula is used to ensure fairness:

Pre-race weight MUST EQUAL post-race weight + poop

Any contestant whos pre-race weight is lighter than their post-race weight will recieve an official SEVEN year international ban from all excrement related sports.

Here’s to a cheat-free future in the world of toilet sports.

Yours faithfully,

FooQ

Chairman of C.R.A.P.

3. Addendum
_________

In the previous C.R.A.P. statement where it states in point number 2:

'Any contestant whos pre-race weight is lighter than their post-race weight will recieve an official SEVEN year international ban from all excrement related sports.'

This should of course read:

'Any contestant whos pre-race weight is lighter than their post-race weight PLUS POOP will recieve an official SEVEN year international ban from all excrement related sports.'

We here at C.R.A.P. apologise for any confusion caused.

Yours apologetically,

FooQ

Chairman of C.R.A.P.

4.

Quote:
Originally posted by Lee_Wooding
A way to ensure cheating does not occur would be to make the contestants bring some of the used paper with them.

Unfortunately, used toilet paper is all too easily hidden in the shirt sleeves or socks. Believe me, we here at C.R.A.P. have held numerous meetings in the last 15-20 minutes discussing the numerous ways poothletes can cheat at what should be one of the fairest events in modern toilet competition.

Season 7's Honours List

Here's a rundown of season 7's division winners and promotees, starting, of course, with the premiership...
Premiership Champions - Botev Plovdiv
Runner up - Noodle FC

Championship Winners - Tottis Allstars
Promoted - Foresters, Karachi United

Division 1 Winners - Splott United
Promoted - Flair FC, Northbankhighbury

Division 2 Winners - Howick United
Promoted - Work Reds, Kingriver

Division 3 Winners - Channel Four News
Promoted - Volvo United, Bavaria Weegen AC

Division 4 Winners - Raf Blues
Promoted - Fc Afghanz, Roker Park Rangers

Division 5 Winners - Mansfieldathletic
Promoted - Rahman Rovers, Passarelli FC

Division 6 Winners - Koronet Royals
Promoted - Fallowfield Blues, Socceroos FC

Division 7 Winners - Donkos Boys
Promoted - 3vialistic, Matelot Shufflers

Division 8 Winners - Fat Greeks
Promoted - New York United, Bdotcs Boyz

Congratulations to one and all! Good luck in season 8.

Season 7 Rankings and Results

There'll be another Premiership stat round-up early next season - everything seems to be mostly the same as the last mid-season one. (Although it does look now that two clubs are definitely starting to pull away from the rest - no prizes for guessing which ;) - both with squad values almost 10m more than the next club!)

In the meantime though, here's a graph of club rankings over the season...
Apologies for the scale, but hopefully you can still make out that, aside from the spectactular readjustment of Mad Dogs United (bank balance reset to division average??) after Mad Dog left, the league has started to split into 3 groups. Whether you're happy with that probably depends on which colour line your team has been drawn with ;)

And a cut out 'n' keep picture for your club's scrapbook - all the Premiership results for season 7:


Enjoy, and good luck for the coming season :)

Edit: and here's an extra picture of the same thing for season 6:

Season 7 Winners and Losers

Season 7 has come to an end and that means we have some winners and some losers to report. Actually, in the premiership there is only one winner and this season, as it was last season, and in season 3, the champions are Hristo's Botev Plovdiv. Well done Hristo.
In 2nd place, let down by 3 draws in the final week and a crushing defeat at home to Liverpool City in game 34, we have Benzb's Noodle FC. Unlucky Benzb. In 3rd, we have Grezz's Rex Mundi, who could only manage to draw at home to Noodle, Hornets and Kif Villans. Wins there could've made all the difference. 4th place went to ndjuk's Hornets who put up a strong challenge and could be there or thereabouts again next season.


At the bottom of the table we have to say goodbye to Norwood FC, Thames Ironworks and Crazy Clowns. Crazy Clowns season reads W1, D1, L36. That's some season! Who did he beat? The unfortunate Thames Ironworks.

That's it guys and gals. Here's to season 8 and a new challenge. Keeping the debt collectors at bay!

The Premiership XI

One of the regular threads in the manta forum is the match day best XI thread. The big contributors in that thread are Chaosmaster, Totti and pleasantsurprise (I believe it was Totti's idea). They really do spoil us. The idea is that they compile a team of the day from the player's match ratings from each game. It's a sterling effort, and it makes interesting reading.
Totti has now taken this one step further now that season 7 has ended. Naturally, he has compiled a season's best XI, and here it is:

The Manta Team Of Season 7 :

Goalkeeper
E Mickeljoen (Easyfit Walsall)

Defenders
G Woollard (Chaos Shumen)
D Bishop (Chaos Shumen)
P Rowe (Scudders)

Midfielders
A Casey (Smirnenski United)
E Roth (Easyfit Walsall)
W Sass (Mad Dogs United)
I Bridges (Castle King FC)
M Çardinha (Kif Villans)

Forwards
L Much (Inter Milager)
R Grey (Kif Villans)

Two players each from Easyfit Walsall, Chaos Shumen, and Kif Villans. No players at all from this season's title winners Botev Plovdiv!

Nice work Totti!

Near Season 7's end

The quality of the Manta Premiership has gone up significantly over past seasons and with it so has competition. So do we have a 3-4 team deadlock for the title two match days away from the final standings? “Unfortunately” from a neutral spectator’s point of view it’s pretty much Botev’s title yet again. The six point gap means Botev must lose both remaining games including a home game against second place Noodle FC, so that benzb’s side have a chance at getting the gold. With recent performances in mind, this seems quite unlikely. Botev are second in the form chart, while 2 draws and an unexpected loss at home to Liverpool City have left Noodle in 8th. Looking at the other stats between the two, Hristoskov’s side has scored the most goals (72), while Noodle have conceded the least (32), but despite having only 1 loss, the latter has registered 13 draws compared to Botev’s 7 and it seems victories is what benzb must be aiming for if he is to challenge the established Manta monopolist Hristoskov for his title next season.
In 3rd, 4th and 5th, just several points behind Noodle FC, we find the constantly threatening Rex Mundi, the Premiership’s best original squad Hornets and the league cup winner Kif Villans. And while Rex' performance in the last 5 matches has cost them a shot at second place, Hornets have been doing their best in recent times to finish as high as possible. Looking at their remaining games, two very probable wins for Hornets mean that Rex can’t afford anything than a win in their last game away to Scudders - a target Guermano would be more than glad to ruin. The Villans were considered potential title contenders ever since joining the Premiership, but despite a commanding performance in the league cup, manager kifd just can’t find the right rhythm for his boys to stay in contention. Being one of only 3 teams with no losses at home so far, it’s the away games that should probably be given attention in the future. Kif’s 2 representatives in the top 3 Premiership most expensive players table tells a lot of the team’s true potential, so look out for his side in the future!

Sitting comfortably in 6th, Chaos Shumen have had nothing more to fight for ever since Thursday when their position was sealed and one could wonder if their defeat at Liverpool City on the next day was a result from that. Despite the several injuries chaosmaster has complained about, his side have held on to another finish just behind the top dogs and with the good cup run this season, his side might be looking for a better performance in the seasons to come. Stat wise, Chaos are the lowest placed of the three teams without home losses alongside Kif and Botev and second in terms of goals conceded at home behind likely champions Botev. Scoring also seems to be nicely covered as their HPL Jason Yates is top of the scorers table in the Premiership.

And now we get to the zone where things are still very interesting despite the few remaining games. From 7th to 12th, Easyfit Walsall, Mad Dogs United, Smirnenski United, Scudders, Liverpool City and Inter Milager are just 5 points apart and every point and maybe even goal in the next two matches could be essential towards a team’s final standing. Totti’s first season at Easyfit has been quite a success and if a few of those 10 away draws were converted to wins, he could’ve given Chaos a tough fight for the higher position. Scoring doesn’t seem a problem for this team with 64 and only 3 teams having scored most, but 52 conceded compared to Shumen’s 35 give away a hint as to where totti’s future problems may lay. After losing their original manager Mad Dogs United are plummeting downwards in both performance and position and relegation might be lurking behind next season’s corner for them. Smirnenski have done a good job to be in the top of the table in their first Premiership season, but despite an impressive home form, away games seem to be causing ryanj1991 too much problems. Scudders have played a good season as well, but their manager’s satisfaction from the current position is questionable. Their big stadium and star-striker Sukova’s second place in the top scorers chart could prove a difference in seasons to come, but an away game to in-form Liverpool and a derby at home against Rex Mundi will likely hinder Guermano’s team’s chances of finishing higher than they are right now. Despite a great run in recent games, including wins over Noodle FC and Chaos Shumen, Liverpool City stumbled away against Norwood FC and that has cost them a third place in the form table. Considering the team’s early season crisis, one can safely say Boozer has made a great job of motivating his players and had he done it sooner, contention for 6th could have been possible. Last in this group, but with probably the easiest matches left we find “draw master” Inter Milager. A win in his derby against rival Webby could move pleasant’s side to the top 10 in the final standings - a finish the manager should be happy about.

In 13th and 14th, Castle King FC and Sabbath Albion are battling it between themselves for a higher position. Last season’s promotees Castle King were looking impressive at the start of the season with 7 home wins out of 7, but with the same number of losses away they were stuck in mid-table. Now this cycle seems to have shifted to draws at home and losses away, justifying their current position. Sabbath, on the other hand, started off at the bottom and were considered by many (myself included) likely to be relegated. However, their resilience granted them a chance to prove their worth in seasons to come, as their finish in relegation doesn’t seem likely in the next few seasons.

Just over the relegation line, Lancaster Bombers, Burnthouse Surfers and Coimbra All Stars are lucky to be pretty much certain of staying in the Premiership for at least another season. Webby’s disappointing single win away is likely the reason why he isn’t challenging for a higher finish, while Hazie could’ve done better if a few of those home draws ended in victories. Lastly, Coimbra have been in the “most likely to be relegated” graph for 2 seasons now, but just like fellow original Premiershiper Sabbath, they are still refusing to leave their “birth place”.

Below the relegation line, Norwood could be cursing their luck, as just a few more points could have meant their staying in the Premiership. However, with just 3 wins at home their place doesn’t look all that surprising. 3 points further behind and absolutely certain of relegation, Thames Ironworks haven’t really had a good first Premiership season and 4 points away pretty much explains why. Finally, we can see the perfect example of what happens to an established club once his original manager leaves it at the start of the season - Crazy Clowns with a measly 4 points were nothing more than a boxing bag for almost everyone in the division and their future in the Championship also doesn’t seem certain.

Manta Banta Contributors

Managers! Hello, and welcome to the Manta Banta Blog.

You will be able to log in using your Google account details and publish your own posts to the site. You can edit your posts too if you so wish. You can format your text using the post editor which has all the basic features that word processor apps have. You can also add images. You might want to add a label too which is just like a tag. For example, all posts labeled 'Super Cup' could be viewed by clicking the 'Super Cup' label.
Once you're done typing up and formatting your post (I'd suggest leaving the font alone so everything looks the same), you can preview it using the preview button. If you're happy with the layout then choose 'publish post' and your work is done.

Note: As this is a Blog, all entries are sorted by date, with the most recent post at the top. This is how Blogs work.

Ok, go for it guys, and thanks for agreeing to help.